Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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