i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
