so let's talk penis.
you win again, gameday.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
