Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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