in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No subtext here. People are naked.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
