i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
