I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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