Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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