Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
