Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
