What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
