DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
