Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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