I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
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