Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
