New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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