So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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