id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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