Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
