Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
