dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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