I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I want is dick and wine.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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