Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
