He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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