Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A bitchslap is in order.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
