just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
