I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
