No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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