I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My dick has a subreddit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
