When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
