I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
