i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My breasts were aching with rage.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
