Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
