This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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