Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
