i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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