so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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