hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
