Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
