What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
