Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
