Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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