my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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