Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
