i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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