your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
