I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
