mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
