she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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