is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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