I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
