moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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